6 tundi peale rasvaimu*

Ma kirjutan seda postitust ainult selle pärast, et ma eile paaniliselt otsisin kuskilt mingisugust infot, mismoodi inimesed ennast kohe peale seda tunnevad, aga ei leidnud. Aga ma siis räägin juba ära, kuidas see kõik siin välja nägi. Peale oma eelmise postituse kirjutamist tulin ma tihkudes haiglasse, kus ma rohkemal ja vähemal määral nutsin selle ajani, kuni mind opisaali viidi. Enne käis Mart Eller mind natukene sodimas, et vaadata, kust pekki võtta:

imeline pilt, eksole 😀 aga mul paremat ka polnud, pluss ma hoidsin nuttu tagasi 😀

Kohe kui ma selle pildi tehtud sain, siis tuli õde ja ütles, et ok lähme nüüd üles opisaali. Läksin. Terve tee värisesin ja pisarad voolasid mu silmist, nagu ma läheks vähemalt tapalavale. Opisaal oli mingi mega futu värk, noh, nagu Grey Anatoomias, et kõik asjad olid nii uued ja ilusad ja uhked. Öeldi, et ma laua peale pikali viskaksin, selleks ajaks ma nutsin juba lahinal. Keegi paitas seal mu pead ja kutsus mind jänkukeseks, ütles, et pole hullu ja et ta paneb mulle kanüüli – vandus, et see jääb ainsaks valuks, mida ma tunnen. No okei, pani kanüüli ära, mingi müts tõmmati mulle pähe ja siis küsiti, et noh, kumba ma veeni tahan, kas punast või valget veini 😀 Ma sain aru, et okei, nüüd ma vist saan narkoosi ja jõudsin veel öelda, et kui ma suren, siis olgu teada, et mu viimased sõnad olid: “Krt, oleks tahtnud mitte surra!”. Siis hakkas lagi natukene tiirutama ja järgmine hetk tegin ma silmad lahti sootuks teises ruumis.

Ma vist tegelt enne silmade avamist kuulsin, kuidas mu monitor piiksub ja mõistsin, et jesss, ma olen elus. Siis tuli keegi mu voodi juurde, kellele ma ka juubeldasin, et wohhooo, ma olen elusss! Seejärel passisin ma uuesti 1.5ks tunniks out, aga mulle endale tundus, et ma pilgutasin ainult silma, sest ma küsisin ta käest, et kui mind toodi, kas ma rääkisin ka midagi, ta vastas, et jah, sa ütlesid, et sa oled elus 😀 Ma olin nagu… eeee, see oli ju 2 mintsa tagasi, ta vastas, et noup kallis sõber, sa oled siin poolteist tundi vahepeal maganud õndsalt, nagu nojah, selged pildid. Ise ei saanud küll midagi aru.

Mingi hetk rulliti mind ratastooliga mu palatisse tagasi, aga palat on vist selle kohta natsa imelik öelda. Sest noh, palatina kujutan mina ette mingit rõvedat urgast, kus on metallvoodid ja vähemalt kolm samas voodis surnud inimese vaimu kette kolistamas. Mul on siin aga jumala fancy toake!

Alguses ma olin veits uimane ja vetsu koperdades käis pea ringi. Tegin isegi laivi fbi, aga ma ütlen nüüd ausalt, et ma vist olin veel drugged up, sest ma ei mäleta peaaegu midagi, mis ma rääkinud oleks. Ainult seda, et ma muudkui jõin ja jõin, aga suu kuivus lihtsalt ei kadunud ära. Valus isegi niiväga ei olnud, hell on jah kõht, aga mingi “omg niii valus” seda tunnnet ei ole.

Ma seda veel ei tea, milline mu kõht välja näeb, kuigi õde just pakkus, et võtame korraks bandaaži ära ja sätime selle paika. See oli nimelt kuidagi natsa viltu pandud, ilmselgelt vist siis, kui ma teadvuseta kuidagi lääpas vedelesin, seega on kõhunahk jäänud nagu üles surutuna. Oot, ma näitan pilti, siis saate aru, nagu massiivsed sangad oleks.

Kui kirurg vaatama tuli, siis ma küsisin ka, et kas poole pealt vaatasid, et ah, siia külgedele ma jätan muist pekki alles 😀 Aga ta kinnitas, et kui see side paremini panna, siis ei ole nii. Aga kuna ma ei julge veel seda eemaldada, siis istun siin oma muffintopiga ja ei virise üldse.

Teisel pool on täpselt sama kaunis sinikas, ma ei kujuta ette, mis veel seal sideme all on 😀

Valust rääkides, no tõesti siiani nagu ei ole. Kui liigutan, siis jah on kõht kõik hell, aga ma kartsin ikka tõesõna paljuuuu hullemat. Mult enne küsiti, et 10palli süsteemis, mis valu on, siis ma pakkusin, et 3. Kui ma liigutan, siis mingi 4. Aga pigem on jumala lebo ja mul on siin päris mugav ja hea olla. Alt kohvikust toodi värskelt pressitud apelsinimahla ja kreveti vokki, õde tõi mulle enda 8 hour cream’i ka huuletele ja muidu pole nagu millegi üle kurta, va seda, et laste igatsus on peal. Kuigi ma tean, et Lende nagunii roniks mulle kõhule ja tahaks muudkui opa, seega on vast parem, kui ma tänase öö kenasti siin veedan ja kosun.

No igatahes siis selgituseks, see olen mina praegu:

Elan! Aga eks ma paremaid enne-pärast pilte saan mõne aja pärast näidata, praegu ma usun, et ma näen välja nagu ma oleks kerepidi rekka alla jäänud 😀

*Krt, ma kirjutasin seda nii kaua, et nüüd on tegelt juba üle 7h möödas 😀

PS! 100% keelan meediaväljaannetel kasutada siit mitte ainsamatki pilti ega isegi mitte lausepoega. Olge inimesed.

I am writing this post only because yesterday I was frantically looking for information about who people feel after the procedure and I could not find anything. But I will also include how the whole thing worked too. After I wrote my previous post I came to the hospital crying, where I continued to cry more or less until I was taken to the operation. Before that Mart Eller came and drew on me a little to see where the fat is he is going to remove.

As soon as I had snapped this picture a nurse came in and told me that I was now being moved to the operating room. So I went. My hands were shaking, tears rolling down my face like I was walking to be slaughtered. The operating room looked like something from the future, like Grey’s anatomy or something, all the equipment looked so new and pretty and fancy. They told me to lay down on the table and I was crying my eyes out. Someone pet my head and called me bunny and told me that it’s OK and they are putting in the cannula and promised that will be the only pain I will be feeling. Well OK, they put it in, put a hat on me and asked which vein I want – red or white Wine 😀 I understood they are going to give me the anesthesia and I managed to say that if I die I want everyone to know, my last words were “damn, I didn’t want to die!” Then my head started spinning and the next moment I opened my eyes in a completely different room.

I think I heard the monitors beeping before I opened my eyes and thought “Yaaas, I am alive!” After that I passed out for another hour and a half, but to me it seemed like I just blinked, because I asked her if I said something when they brought me in and she told me that Yes, you said you are alive and I was like, uuumm…. that was like 2 minutes ago and she was like – nope, dear friend, you have been blissfully asleep for the last hour and half, so yeahh… clear images. I didn’t even realize.

At some point they rolled me into the hospital room in a wheelchair, but calling it a hospital room seems strange. Because when I think of a hospital room I imagine a disgusting hole, with metal beds and at least three ghosts of people who died in that bed going around rattling chains. And I have a fancy little room here!

I was a little drowsy and when I stumbled to the bathroom my head was spinning. I had a FB live, but I am going to be honest with you guys, I was so drugged up that I don’t remember almost anything I spoke about. Only that I was drinking and drinking and couldn’t get rid of my cotton mouth. It didn’t really hurt, my stomach was tender, but I didn’t have “OMG this hurts” sensation.

I don’t know what my tummy looks like yet, although the nurse offered to take off the bandages for a minute and set it in place. It had been put in place kind of wrong, obviously when I was laying around unconscious so my stomach skin was left kind of stretched upwards. Wait, I will show you a picture so you get an idea, it’s like I have massive love handles.

When the surgeon cam in to check on me asked him if half way through he decided to just leave the fat on my sides 😀 But he told me that if they adjust the bandages it is not going to look so mad. But since I am afraid to remove it yet I am sitting here with my muffin top and am not complaining.

Speaking of pain, I honestly don’t feel any yet. When I move my stomach is tender, but I was honestly expecting a loooooot worse. I was asked before how the pain is on a scale of 1-10 and I said about a 3. When I move around it goes up to like a 4. But I feel rather chill and comfortable. They brought me freshly squeezed orange juice and shrimp wok, the nurse brought me her 8 hour cream for my lips and there isn’t really anything to complain about, except I miss my babies. But I know that Lende would be all over me and my stomach and would want to be picked up, so I guess it’s better if I just stay here tonight and recover.

So anyway to explain, this is me now on the last picture on this post.

I am alive! But I can show you better before and after pictures in a while, because I believe I look like a truck ran over my body right now 😀

• Damn, it took me so long to write this, that it’s over 7 hours passed now.

PS! I 100% forbid any media outlet to use any of the pictures or even a fraction of a sentence from this post. Let me be!